“Red and green should never be seen” was clearly not a saying that our wise founder, Olive Willis, was familiar with when she designed the Downe House School uniform. Little did she know of the hurtful Christmas tree related jibes that generations of girls would have to endure as a result. I secretly gaze enviously at the faded photographs of the Downe House girls circa 1907 and despair that those stylish Hogwarts-style green capes were replaced by the more practical, yet infinitely more painful, pinstriped blazers (whose only apparent use to date are to make part of a very convincing, impromptu Jedward outfit). I wonder if those carefree Downe House girls of yore were pelted with carrots and tomatoes in the dining room for wearing red tights instead of green ones. I suspect not.

Although, with the distinct lack of male presence here, no-one feels the need to get up early to put on make-up (or if you do, I’d keep that on the DL), the world of Downe House school uniform is a minefield of subtle and complex unspoken rules.
As previously mentioned, sporting red tights in Remove is akin to slamming the door in an older girl’s face. Unless you want a dreaded ‘cocky’ reputation, you just don’t do it. There are, however, pieces of school uniform that are only acceptable to be seen in your first, naïve years (we will forgive you for not knowing better). Fleeces, for example: yes they may keep you cosy and warm, but just as you grow out of rushing to the Medical Centre every break time for a salt gargle, by Lower Fourth you will realise that the best place for your fleece is stuffed at the back of the wardrobe. There is a similarly subtle etiquette for backpack wearing: only the coolest girls let the straps of their bags hang so loosely that they swing dangerously from side to side, knocking unsuspecting passers-by, whilst they sprint to their next lessons.
Once you reach the main school it is only really regulations on hairstyle that remain strict if you want to keep your place on the cool radar. The rules are simple: your hair wants to be matted and messy in a way that says “I just rolled out of bed- FML”. This is best combined with a lingering of left-over smudged eyeliner, which hints at a weekend of wild parties and a life outside of school- maybe even involving boys.
We’ve all read many a prospectus emblazoned with that smug quote: “I left Downe House feeling there was nothing I couldn’t achieve” and it’s true, after pulling off a sickly combination of red and green for seven years whilst still managing to look too cool for school, anything seems possible.